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Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
Rated R

Starring: Reiko Aylesworth, Steven Pasquale, and John Ortiz

Rating:
*
out of
*****

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a requiem is "a musical composition in honor of the dead." Let us all hope that Alien vs. Predator: Requiem is titled as such because it marks the death of this series.

The movie takes place immediately after the events of Alien vs. Predator. A Predator spaceship crashes in the mountains of Colorado. Onboard are a cadre of little facehuggers, those pleasant creatures from which spring full-blown Alien creatures, and a Predator/Alien hybrid. Having slaughtered the Predators who owned the spaceship, this PredAlien and his little buddies begin to systematically invade the small town of Gunnison. Before the ship crashes, it sends a distress call which summons a Predator from their homeworld to come and clean up the mess.

The film then introduces a number of human characters, including a recently released convict named Dallas (Steven Pasquale) and his delinquent little brother, Ricky (Johnny Lewis), Kelly, an Iraq War veteran (Reiko Aylesworth) returning home to her husband and daughter, a slutty girl (Kristen Hager) who attempts to seduce Ricky and, oh, who cares? Their backgrounds serve no purpose to the story whatsoever. Not one of these sub-plots serves any central purpose to what the scriptwriter might laughably refer to as a story.

Why does Jesse, the aforementioned slut, have to lure Ricky to the school swimming pool? Why does Kelly bring home a pair of night vision goggles for her daughter? Why does Dallas have to be an ex-con? The answer to all of these questions: for no reason.

For a movie called Alien vs. Predator, there's precious little Alien-on-Predator mayhem. What tiny amount of action the movie manages to dole out is done so in nearly-complete darkness and, more-often-than-not, in the rain. I can only guess this is to hide the shoddy rubber suits that the stuntmen are wearing as they duke it out. What the darkness can't conceal, though, are the multiple plot holes and the script's complete disregard for anything resembling logic.

2004's Alien vs. Predator was bad. However, compared to Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, it was a masterpiece. If you're a fan of the individual Alien or Predator franchises, skip this fiasco completely. If you're a fan of the Alien vs. Predator series, seek professional help.

Trivia: Not screened for critics. (Source: The Internet Movie Database)

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